true story: molesters are everywhere. (and some other stuff)

A few stories to entertain you.  And mostly because I've started listening to those people who say, "You gotta write this stuff down!"

1.  Molestation Fail.  

Okay so here is what happened.  I was walking down the street from my job to my car.  It was hot.  I was tired and in a hurry to get Em at daycare.  I hear a car behind me slowing down, and I assume the person driving it is about to parallel park.  Instead, a black Honda Civic with very dark tinted windows follows me along the road for a while.  I ignore, like I do most things that I don't want to deal with.

The windows are lowered, and I see the person driving is of Asian descent but I can tell immediately that he has NEVER IN HIS LIFE lived anywhere in Asia.  I mean, he might have been to the Chinese Buffet once, but that's it.  He is wearing blue metallic aviators and has his hair spiked.  And is also wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt.  He starts talking.  In a southern drawl.  (Score one point for me and my snap judgements).  "Hey, do you know how to get to highway 280?".  Now, people ask me for directions all the time, and I happily direct them (usually correctly) to where they're going.  This guy, however, kind of creeps me out.  

SO I SAY: "Yeah, first you need to turn around.  Make a right on 20th street, and a left on 12th Ave.  Once you're on 12th ave, you will see signs to Hwy 280." I didn't ask if he was going east or west, but gave him directions to go East.  

THEN HE SAYS:  "I don't know if I can make it without getting lost."

SO I SAY: "Of course you can.  Turn around.  Make a right on 20th street and a left on 12th.  It's not hard at all". 

THEN HE SAYS:  "I really don't think I can make it.  Can you ride with me to show me, then I will bring you back?"

SO I SAY:  "Um.  What?  No."

THEN HE SAYS:  "Really, I'll just bring you right back"

SO I'M THINKING:  This guy is probably a crazed he-man womankiller who wants to chop me up and sell my body parts to GAWD KNOWS WHO.  And seriously, he is a terrible criminal who would have more luck luring people into his car if he drove a van baring the sign, "Puppies and Free Candy!".

2. Gym Pickup Line Fail.

So yesterday I am at the gym.  Some of you may know that the gym has been recently renovated to be NEW! AND! IMPROVED!  And it is, for the most part.  New machines, new layout, fresh paint, new carpet, everything is in proper working order, better staffed, etc.  The problem is that there are also more meatheads.  You know the guys.  Super muscled with an ego to match.  Like the ones in THIS COMMERCIAL. And probably a healthy case of "Little Man Syndrome".  I have to disclaim here that I don't consider a well-muscled guy to be a meat head unless he opens his mouth and removes any doubt that he is a meat head.  Some are just in really really good shape and that is TOTES COOL with me.  Okay.  So I'm at the gym doing an ab thingie that requires me to hang from a bar and extend my legs out front.  This guy stops in front of me (thereby stopping me from extending my legs).  He is only slightly taller than my 60.5 inches.  Very bulky.  I appreciate the work it took for him to get those muscles.  His shoulders seem about as wide as he is tall.  His head is flat on the back, and the flat part has no hair, which he has tried to camouflage by combing some other hair over it, which really just draws attention to the problem.  But that part just makes me feel bad for him and his hair falling out.  I don't feel bad for him long. 

He stops in front of me. 

HE SAYS: "Hi, what is your name?"  "Do you work around here?"

So I HATE it when people try to have a conversation with me at the gym.  

I SAY:  "My name is Keri." " I work in the Psychiatry department doing research."

HE SAYS: "Oh, then I guess you don't see muscles like these very often."

(perfect opportunity here!)

I SAY:  "Well, my dad is a competitive bodybuilder. Top in his state for two years, actually."

HE SAYS: "Ummm...err, okay"

Then he moves.  Because I have intimidated him with a story about my dad.  My dad!  Like I said, Little Man Syndrome.

3.  Thank you Jillian Michaels

If you have ever watched "The Biggest Loser", you are familiar with Jillian Michaels, the fitness guru extraordinaire.  I have watched her train literally TONS of people into shape, and she gets amazing results.  

She recently quit the show to start a family.  She and her partner adopted a 2 year old girl from Haiti, and then two weeks later the partner also had a little boy!  Wowee, talk about changes.  Her interview in People magazine made me happy because she says (this is paraphrased):

"I just roll my eyes when I remember telling moms 'YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR HEALTH FIRST'.  Now I know, you are never able to put yourself first.  You have to sacrifice.  You have to grow up."

I love that she now (after missing the gym for two weeks when her kids came home) understands the struggle of finding the time to work out (or do anything for yourself) when you have a career and a family.  Or even just a family that you stay home with.  I do it, but it is hard, and it took a few months after I went back to work to really work out something that would keep me happy and in the best shape I can be in.  So I'm glad she opened up and told the truth.

4. Social Butterfly:

 Em has been invited to a birthday party tomorrow!  Her first!  It is going to be at the Oak Mountain Petting Zoo for one of her "classmates", Judson's, first birthday party.  So excited.

5.  Creative OUTlets.

Joy has just reminded me of our latest very important scientific discussion.  We were looking at Pinterest for Halloween costumes and I was just marveling at all the ideas people have and said, "WHO HAS TIME TO DO ALL THIS STUFF?!".  Joy, of course, the craftiest crafter in all the land, raises her hand.  And I said, "Well, how do you keep your house clean?".
JOY: "Oh, Charlie is home cleaning and doing laundry on Thursdays!"
ME:  "THATS WHY I DON'T HAVE TIME!  I HAVE ALL THE LAUNDRY! AND THE CLEANING!"

Moral of this story:  The laundry is hampering my creativity.

Have a great weekend everybody! I will be taking my daughter to a birthday party and then cleaning the house.  Luckily Joy has offered to make Em's Halloween Costume :)